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We all have got our highs and lows, especially those days when hopes seems lost, when life seems so meaningless and we feel like death is haunting us. Those moments have got a funny type of approach first you just feel horrible, feel lonely like everyone hates you. Everyone turns their backs on you and you start wondering why you were born, if really there’s hope if there’s hope ahead and why time seems not to move, you feel hungry but without appetite, thirsty but water doesn’t quench that. You don’t really know what you want.

Anger gets the better part of you, answering everyone like you want, because nothing matters no more. You are ready to lose and really lose yourself, you get wild, drink yourself silly and begin cursing, cursing the day you were born, everyone you think betrayed you, all haters got no choice, all the ladies you got involved with, all the hypocrites in the name of friends now get to know you really don’t give a damn.

Spitting words, or remaining calm , dances to all wild moves , creates a micro-world , a world of your own imaginations, where everything is free, a world of I don’t care. You become a fool, speaking of the tarnished dead dreams, faded greatness, meaningless relationships, the new you, and that brings forth new dawn; a smile, walks you head up and strength ends at your doorstep that’s when you can’t open the door lock.

And when nobody collects you up its dawn that brings a new beginning, new hope and you again can see the light. You try to figure out what really happened but the episodes are so vague, it’s like a dream like lost strength that you can’t gather up. Feeling like one lost fool you may smile at the irony of it and comfort yourself hit your chest and say “SHIT HAPPENS”

But that’s not the end real shit is when you realize what you lost’ money’ energy and your time. Literally you solved nothing. as you storm into the house same problems have camped there , it’s still empty, no comforter, no shoulder to cry on, no one to share what you feel with, nobody really seem to care about what you are experiencing in this now RUDE world, the true meaning of loneliness, emptiness and micro-death. Suicidal.

Tuesday july 7^th 2015 around 4pm I’m in for a hike with a girl that has turned my life to the unimaginable. Its going to be the best of times alone get to walk through together and figure out one or two things, or even make love. Who knows?

Its not easy for two people to live and be crave about each other and yet never open up. I promised myself to be the best friend but never tell her what I feel and possibly she can figure it out herself. Do I have to say actions have always been louder than words?

The most amazing part is the desire to stay together in all times, laugh at each other jokes listen to though boring stories and pretend to be entertained, get space and alas!!! Lose breath. Xxx no sex though. Want to act cool don’t take advantage of the situation and use each other. It’s not for beginners though but I feel I should not do it. Don’t know if there will be a second chance. I got it from a movie there are no last chances only 2^nd chances. It’ll come its way if it was meant to be.

poem

I am out of words

Really expressionless

For an inerasable mark

You have put on my heart

When I saw you

I did not know

That it would come to this

Missing you every moment

There is so much you don’t know

Am not yet to tell you

I am not afraid of love

But I do not want to rush

Something pushes me

Not to tell you this

For I am afraid

 Of your response

You may be feeling the same

Maybe different

Maybe it is fate

Maybe not meant to be

Maybe it is boredom

It’s something that won’t last

Worth not giving a trial

And am reluctant

Maybe a day will come

There is always hope

Some light at a distance

Someone better you get

For I do not deserve

Your heart for

I am really boring

Sometimes irresponsible

I hurt, break hearts

Don’t act like the gentle Man

Every woman’s desire

I can not promise